Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize