Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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