it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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