dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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