It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
