If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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