I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
