I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
