she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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