Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
