it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
