I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
