How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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