i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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