I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
