shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
