you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
