How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Drake has all the answers
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
