I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
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You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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