made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Pooping to opera.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
