you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
