saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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