My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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