you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
