he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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