I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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