I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
