I'm eating all of the evidence.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize