So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
