You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
