I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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