Pants 0. Shit 1.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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