Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
