it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
