Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
