at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
