I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
