Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize