how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
