lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
