last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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