So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
