Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
