I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
