Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
