There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
