That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
