I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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