My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
