I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
