i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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