He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
