dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
