I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
