haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
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WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
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Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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