You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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