My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
