I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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