The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
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Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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