just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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