Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
