i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
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you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
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He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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