question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
