She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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