Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
