Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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