She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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