Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
