I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How does it feel to date your dad?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
