the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
