I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
