Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
