its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
